Diplomatic Relations

Planet Pyria - At a diplomatic meeting between the K’ama and the human ambassador, Tiana Ceyavo.

Tiana Ceyavo sat at her assigned place on one side of the large donut shaped table. They were waiting for the head of the diplomatic corps to appear.

He rushed into the room, hand on his head, holding something fuzzy in place. Two streamers of fabric flapped behind him. Everyone stared. What in the world was this?

Tiana searched out Aieshen and saw the look of utter horror on his face. She wasn’t the only one.

The K’ama bowed before the Arbiter and then took his seat directly across from Tiana.

Forgive my tardiness Ambassador Ceyavo, I recently received this item from a trader who insisted that it was used in human diplomatic ceremonies.

He straightened the item on his head and Tiana stared. A stuffed bird head bobbed forward as the K’ama adjusted the hat. A spray of colorful feathers protruded from the back of the hat framing the head. It was a turkey. Who had convinced the diplomat this was normal?

He was clearly waiting for her approval. But how to tell him without giving offense?

She took a deep breath followed by a sip of water while she composed her response.

I thank you for your courtesy in attempting to make me feel more comfortable at these proceedings. I fear, however, that whomever told you humans wear this sort of headdress to negotiations, is sadly mistaken.

His face fell. You don’t wear the hat then dance around in a circle doing something called the, he checked his data pad, chicken dance?

Tiana bowed her head and stifled her smile behind her hand. Another deep breath. I’m sorry, sir. We do not.

The K’ama reached up and pulled the turkey off his head and threw it to the table in disgust. That trader played me for a fool! He even taught me the chicken dance.

The Arbiter turned to face her. It was clear he saw her amusement. He winked before turning back to the head negotiator. Perhaps, in the interest of hands across the void of space, you would care to show us this ‘chicken dance’? It would be a shame for your hard practice to go to waste.

The negotiator nodded and stood. He picked up the turkey hat, plopped it back onto his head and stepped through the opening in the donut table so he stood in the center of the circle.

He glared at those sitting on his side of the table. If anyone so much as snickers, I’m sending you to the most desolate outposts I can think of.

They each nodded.

Computer, play file, Terra Two Chicken Dance.

The music began, and he opened and closed his hands as if they were the beaks of a bird. Tucking his hands under his armpits, he flapped his elbows like wings. He bent slightly foward at the waist and shook his hips before clapping four times. He finished the repeated set by prancing around in a circle.

It was too much. Tiana rolled her lips and bit down on them trying not to break into giggles at the absurd sight. Not when it meant offending the head negotiator. She cupped her hands around her nose and mouth to keep her grin from being seen. Dear lord would this never end?

The music sped up, as did his movements.

After the third verse, one of the K’ama broke. Gales of hysterical laughter filled the air.

The negotiator stopped and glared, but it was too late, the entire room had devolved into laughter.

The K’ama threw the hat to the ground and stormed out of the room, giving one last butt wiggle before the door closed behind him.

The Aribter looked at her. This does come from your planet, yes?

Tiana wiped the tears of mirth from her eyes. Yes, however the dance itself, even though silly, is usually played at wedding ceremonies in celebration. Not to open diplomatic relations.

I see. And the hat?

I have no idea. There may have been a cult devoted to the turkey at one point in our history, but this is not something you’d see anyone wear.

The trader was having a laugh at the head diplomat.

Tiana nodded. Yes. I wonder if the trader was human? she mused.

I’d attempt to ask Bar’tyne but I’m afraid we’re all on his bad list at the moment.

True.

He looked around the room. Most everyone had recovered, though stray giggles could still be heard.

We’ll adjourn the meeting today and meet when Bar’tyne has recovered from his exertions, the Arbiter announced.

There were nods and the other K’ama rose gathering materials they had brought with them.

Aieshen came around the desk. Your people perform that dance at bonding ceremonies?

Yes.

What strange beings you humans are.